Is it time to end this chapter?
Apr 03, 2025
Man, it's been a ride. To be honest, it's been hard, really hard. Struggle in the gym, struggle in business, struggle in life, over and over. To wake up and fight over and over, it's been exhausting. But I have done it, for many days, weeks, months, years, and over a decade now. I am a fighter. To get up and face the headwinds over and over.
When do you call it?
When do you say enough is enough?
When do you say you are over the struggle?
When do you draw the line in the sand and say, it's been a ride, time to wrap it up?
Tears come to my eyes as I write this. Do I say it's coming to an end, do I say it's been a good run? Do I say, thank you for all the support, but it's time to pivot?
I don't want to let go. I don't want this to be the end of my journey, but damn, it's been fucking hard. Struggles that I keep hidden. Struggles that I keep to myself. That I bury deep down inside to use as fuel as I keep fighting. I think to myself, maybe I'll break through today, tomorrow, next week?
I believed in myself. When I first started, I wanted to compete with badass women in the arena from around the world. I worked my ass off to get there. Fought the haters, the people who said they 'believed' in me. I made it. I qualified and was in that arena, as one of those badass women I had looked up to. Year after year.
I believed in my program. I believed I could help others. That I could help uplift others out of a dark period in their life, like that I went through. I fought through an eating disorder, anorexia, and binge eating and decided that I was going to get better, and healthier and not succumb to it.
Then, my sister passed away in a tragic car accident. I was devastated. I had failed Kerstin, I didn't protect her as the eldest sister. I should have called her back, maybe she would have waited to get on the road and that would have saved her from the accident. She was changing her life around and had so much ahead of her. Why was she taken so suddenly?
Why do I share this? Why do I share the failure, the struggle? Because few people get to the top. Everyone has failed. Everyone has had a struggle in their life. A challenge or roadblock that they had to face.
Is this the end? I don't want it to be, but some reflection is in store to evaluate what's ahead.
I can't say thank you enough for your continued support.
10 comments
Margaux,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister. There are no words anyone can tell you to take that type of grief away. I lost my mom to cancer in 2016. There isn’t enough vodka, pot, WOD’s, HERO WODS, MURPH’s or even a good long run. We can’t outrun, out lift or do burpees until we pass out to give some sort of solace to hole left over in grief.
I was a professional actor for 17 years. Some years were good, most years were just so frustrating that i wondered why God chose me to go into show business, but when I transitioned into cybersecurity all of sudden I had access to acting skills, voice, speech, posture that no one else had. I can command a room, I can speak intelligently about Ransomware and phishing campaigns. Where I am going with all of this is sometimes life presents us with obstacles and we can’t see God’s plan until you reach the other side of the mountain. You are one of the top CrossFit athletes in the world and you should be so proud of yourself for the incredible human being you have become, but when you are given much in this life, so much more will be required from you in return. So, I say this— be patient, pray, try to come to terms your sister’s death is not your fault. I know it’s painful because I share the same pain within the loss of my mom. Lastly, my mother’s great wisdom— there is a big difference in life between giving up versus giving in… you are by no means giving up, for people who quit, they never even tried, while people who give in realize it is time to move on, and also realize nothing was meant to last forever and by giving in, you will open up yourself to God’s plan in away you could have never fathomed. So, go with grace. I hope my words are helpful.
God Bless you and may the next chapter of your life be just as extraordinary as the one you are about to move away from—- I have no doubt because the myth you tell is one who always finds a way to win! There is no fate but the one we make.
Cheers,
David Austin
Ps: now that my son is almost out of the house I have decided to start acting and do stand up comedy again. It’s a circle!
Never the end. Perhaps a different phase or focus. You’re an inspiration for more than yiue know. Your vulnerability in sharing your struggles exemplify this. Keep pounding in the new direction of your choice.
I pray for you , you are one Bad ass women , keep on fighting !!